Getting There is Getting By

Mon, 14 Feb 2005 14:47:59 GMT

First update in ten days but it's starting to all sound the same.

My Uncle died on thursday.
So that would make more deaths this year than I could count.
Right now I seem to be okay, but since I found out I've been so sad and I tend to get mad at the littlest things, such as Erin calling Ashley first to tell her about Chris before she told me. I cried. I felt like I wasn't needed anymore. It's stupid and I shouldn't have gotten upset but I did. and I guess that's the way I am grieving. This year has been so hard. I just want all of the bad stuff to be over now.

And I feel bad about everything. I feel bad that I have to vent everything to all of my friends but I need that right now. Actually all I need is to be back home with you guys and Actually see you guys because that would make me feel so much better.

And I was going to send you all a little something for Valentine's Day but everything came up and now I will just say that I LOVE YOU all.

Tash goes home every weekend it seems like, well, except this one but Adam came up and that is different, and It makes me so sad because I want her to be here and hang out because that is the only time we can have fun during the week. I feel like I'm losing her. She tells me I am her best friend but I don't believe her anymore. She has him now, and girls get weird when they get into a relationship. I just want my friend back.

I'm sorry that I am venting in this one. I think I need to though.

On Friday, Beth, Sara and I watched a marathon of Sex and the City because Beth got the first two seasons for Christmas. 15 episodes later, I had crocheted a purse. We figured out that Sara=Samantha, Amanda=Charlotte, Tash=Carrie and I am Miranda. After that we figured out that not only do we have no lives and are pretty pathetic, but that in fact we all fit one of the character's personalities.

And, oh yeah, Jason told me that he got pulled back into his relationship and that he loves his girl friend. Wonderful. guys are jerks.

Sat, 05 Feb 2005 23:57:18 GMT

I'm home for the weekend...just to get away from college and tha whole environment, and also to attend the Transition concert on Friday.

It was surprisingly an awesome time. Of course I got to see Erin, which is always good, but there were two bands that I thought were really amazing: Last Week and A second Chance. I thought they were better than Transition, which was who we originally went to see. But shhh, don't tell. Of course, we got there early, and it was freezing out and the loser that I am forgot to bring my damn jacket home from school so yes...go me. Anyway, the first band was akward. I don't even know how to explain it. The guitar player was awesome though, and didn't really seem to fit the band. I don't know. It was weird. Every other band was good, and all in all I walked out of Mr. Smalls happy and with 2 new cds in my cold little hands. But I'll tell you one thing, I've never felt so old at a concert.

Today, my mom surprised me with an early Valentine's day present...the Academy Is CD which came with a whole mess of stickers, so I was listening to that along with my two other cds today. They are good, and it puts a smile on my face. Thank you mom.

I'm trying so hard to not be so overwhelmed at school. Trying is the operative word.

I got nothing else.

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 16:14:21 GMT

Today is Beth's birthday. She is 19 yrs old. I felt bad because it was her first birthday being away from her parents and here at college with us. We cheered her up and celebrated last night at midnight by playing all of those girly sleepover games, like mash and the "i have never" game. It made me feel like I was in 7th grade again. It was fun.

I'm not getting my hopes up, but I am smitten with a boy. He is one of Tasha's friends and his name is Jason. I hope everything works out because he seems like a nice boy who listens to good music and has good hair (that one's for you Erin, haha). And I just hope he doesn't come here and take one look at me and then run away screaming. I have a feeling that's what he is going to do. I also wouldn't know what to do in the first place, but something tells me I won't have to worry about it, although I really really like this boy.

I have come to realize that I dislike Old 77 (our gym on campus) because I go there every day and it does not seem to help any. Curses to Old 77.

On Friday, We went to see two movies at the campus center- A shark tale and Ray. A shark tale was awesome and at the one part where the one fish was like, "I always loved you, even when you were a nobody," I had a little tear in my eye. Then afterward I felt stupid for crying at an animated movie, but dude, that was sad. Ray was also a good movie, it was so long though. And I had no idea that Ray Charles did all of those drugs and shoot up and stuff. wow. I don't know. It was a good movie though.

I'm coming home next weekend. How I'm getting home is debatable. I will find a way.

Sun, 23 Jan 2005 15:40:56 GMT

Just a little note.

Last night I watched Napoleon Dynamite in the lounge with Abby, her boyfriend, Tash, Beth, Sara, and a few others.
And this time, I actually got to watch the whole thing.
It was hilarious, and even the parts that weren't as funny as the rest, were just as funny due to the fact that Abby was laughing SO hard.
And that made me laugh twice as hard.

I LOVE this movie. Heck yes!

"I love technology, but not as much as you. you see. yes I love technology, now and forever. -Kip Dynamite
Hahaha.

Sat, 22 Jan 2005 16:32:39 GMT

This week has gone from the worst to the better and then back down again.

Everyone is getting ready for sorority stuff. I'm sorry. I'm not up for paying people to be my friends, because that's all it is, in my opinion. And they dedicate their lives to promote all of that stuff.

I don't know why but I've been very sensitive these past few days. A couple nights ago, I was so stressed out, and I just wanted to come home because I didn't/ don't feel like I should be here. I called my mom but I really couldn't talk because everyone was in my room and I couldn't really go anywhere. I hate that. It seems like every time I get on the phone...which is not that often...everyone rushes into my room and I have no privacy. Anyway, second day was so overwhelming and I just hated every bit of it.

I then decided to change some of my classes. Although it was a lot of running around, afterward, I think It was the best decision I made.

Yesterday, was alright I suppose. We all wanted to go to grove city to get Beth a birthday present but someone had the bright idea to go to the mall at robinson...so...we did. We shopped around for a little and then went to the olive garden. Afterward, We were talking I made a comment about tash's obsession with calling her bf and she said she "liked me better when I was quiet." That hurt. I am just really sensiive this week and I was just telling the truth, even if she doesn't see it. Maybe I just am taking it too personally, but I don't know, when I'm here, it's like I'm always on guard. And I feel bad that I always have to vent in here but it's the only place where I can vent. I feel bad calling Erin to tell her about it.

I can't wait to come home and go to a concert. I can't wait until summer. I can't wait until drama ends.

On a better note. The 'new' pline song is really good.

I need to get dressed for the day and do my homework.

I hope everyone else is having a good day...hopefully it isn't snowing as bad as it is here.

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 14:09:00 GMT

Well, It is 8:30am and I am done for the day. I think I am going to like tuesdays and thursdays. We will have to make a whole bunch of speeches and I am nervous for that but nothing I can't handle I suppose. It still feels weird to be up here at school...

Tomorrow will be crazy.

the Transition concert seems more and more appealing everyday. I think I would like to go.

Sugarcult is coming also in a little while. bark up if you would lke to go.

Really, I have nothing important to say.

but if I don't say it enough...
GREG WOOD IS AMAZING.

Sat, 08 Jan 2005 22:39:23 GMT

I have no desire to go back to school because I will get myself worked up over things. Things that I really don't think are worth stressing over, but yet, I will. I don't want to see her...because she makes me feel like I am six years old. She puts all of her crap on me because her "friends" will not talk to her. I am sick of this. I do not want to start worrying about this now. I still have another week left.

I have been keeping myself busy. I have been spending some time with my sister and also with a book I just started reading. It is good. I enjoy it. I have been also assigned to plan my mom's surprise 50th birthday party, so that gives me extra stress because she is noisy and will probably find out if I'm not careful.

I am so glad I bought the Relient K cd because it has been the only thing I have been listening to and it is really awesome. I miss my halifax cd. I left it up at school because I thought it was in my case and it was not. crud.

My knees are not feeling any better and I'm starting to get worried about them. They look and feel awful.

Flooded the bathroom...wish you were here.

Wed, 08 Dec 2004 23:56:03 GMT

Today my aunt called and told me that my Pap died.
I hate being so far away from everyone at home right now, but what can I do, I'm up at school.
He isn't in pain now, I guess that's the most important thing to think about right now.

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 19:21:21 GMT

ho hum.

Yesterday when we went to visit my grandpa, it gets scarier and scarier every time. He lost 13 more pounds in a matter of 10 days. At the rate he is going, he will be nothing by the time I get back home for Christmas break. It's so sad. I cry every time I go, because it makes me so upset to see him like that. It wasn't too great of a night.

I don't know whether to go up to school today or tomorrow. This weekend has gone so fast. Too fast. I wanted to do so much more. I hope Winter Vacation does not go this fast. I bet it will.

As of yesterday's shopping excursion, I am done Christmas shopping. It's sick. I didn't get much of anything for anyone. Surprise...I don't really like shopping, at all. but, it was nice to see mostly everyone I wanted to see. Eh, I wish I got to see em more, but what can you do.

I need to rent Elf, because I would like to see it again. it is a funny movie. I enjoy it.

My mom went to a laundry mat today because our dryer is not working. She calls up my cell phone and tells me that she sees 2 guys selling drugs. She calls me up again to tell me that they left evidence and one more time to jokingly tell me to call the police, but they heard her and left. I never laughed so hard in my life because of the way she called up and told me all of this stuff.

I got to see Steph yesterday. She looks so grown up, like a college kid. I still look like I'm 12. Then the kids up at school look down and probably think, "a 12 yr old going to college, who does that?"

Over Christmas break, I will be visiting Boardman, OH. I can not wait.

I also can not wait until another concert...one is definitly due soon. I need to have some fun sometime soon. For now, I will just write my paper and shut up for once.

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 23:43:40 GMT

I'm very cold and sore still. The doctor said it should be healing better than it is. She wants to send me to a specialist. I refuse to go.

Thanksgiving was alright I guess. My Grandma, Aunt and Uncle came over. it wasn't too big of a deal. My aunt keeps commenting that our plates are not big enough. My mom gave her 3 this time. My dad is going crazy with pies. he is making another one tonight because he wants to have another one right now.

I went to Pat Catans and saw Becky today. It was nice. I got some stuff...not a lot. My mom bought Valentine's Day crap already. she is nuts. I don't know how people don't get killed on the "biggest shopping day of the year." It's chaos.

I don't want this break to be over. I still have so much stuff I wanted to do. and it is Friday night already. ehh.

In the spirit...there's a lot of things I'm thankful for. friends, family, my cats, music, and a lot more.

that's all I got.

Sun, 21 Nov 2004 15:55:45 GMT

Last Night, I fell when I was trying to get up in bed. My bed is lofted.
My head, wrist, and ankle hurt like a bitch. I don't know what to do.
It was really surreal.
I don't even know how I'm typing this.
I just kind of missed the rung that I was suppose to step on to get up in there and went splat, lied there for a couple minutes.
I feel like shit today.

Yesterday night though, was fun. Beth, Tash and I was to Bordman to see a movie.
We saw The Grudge.
Wow, was it scary and creepy.
And I didn't quite understand all of the plot at the time.
We saw two of Tasha's friends.
The one is REALLY cute.
And the other says the f word every other word.
it's so funny.
We get to meet her boyfriend today.

I need to go home and sleep in my own bed.
I get weird dreams up here.

My head hurts.

PS. I hope Brad is feeling better.

Sat, 20 Nov 2004 17:31:21 GMT

Not much has been going on.
I had to make a new journal.

today I need to clean and read.
and go to old 77.

I'll update more later.